she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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