there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
