I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize