she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize