who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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