Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
