What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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