so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
