she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
