he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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