Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
