Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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