omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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