I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
