If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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