i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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