He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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