why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
