Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
