hell yes lets make some ravioli
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
