just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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