You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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