how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
