I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
