I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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