My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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