I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
