I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
