that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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