He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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