Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
