so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
