My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
