would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
