He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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