I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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