My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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