so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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