Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
