Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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