Soap is not a condiment
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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