i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
