Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
