I cannot find my penis.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
