I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
