The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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