That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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