i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
