I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
