I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
