You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
