Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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