Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
