My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize