Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
