repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
