Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
