he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
