Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
