Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
