Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
