I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
