I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize