Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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