i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You are a genius and a whore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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