hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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