I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
