Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
