put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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