I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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