that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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