Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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