Say something about gay babies.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
