I think my vagina is haunted
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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